You I Hate Despise and Loathe (a poem)

You I hate despise and loathe
cause you have stunt my growth
it's impossible getting over your spell
I'm incapable of anything else

I have places to reach
and deadlines to meet
but I'm stuck 
me  my heart in your sugary sticky love

Now it's you my life revolves around
since we met I haven't touched solid ground
my thoughts  my days just seem to float
You I hate despise and loathe

My soul stirs when I smell your perfume
in thoughts of you I'm always consumed
You've rendered me unfit useless
cause I'm in love so hopeless

You I hate despise abhor
apart from you of nothing can I keep score
I'm just getting by
without savouring other flavours of life

Only engrossed in your thoughts
you're like a persistent illness bout
You've got to leave disappear
stop residing in my soul  move out of here

Because you I hate despise loathe
for you I've cried most
You I keep thinking about
your name is glued to my mouth

You I loathe despise hate
you have to go just fade
you never leave never fade
I feel like I'm going to carry you in me to the grave

You I hate despise loathe repel
because you came and my sky fell
I'm in love that knows no bound
let me break free  have to stop going round and round

Round and round in circles you have me spinning
can't help cause your smile's winning
my heart my mind my soul
You I hate despise loathe abhor

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy:lifeofpix.com  

To love is to die,slowly,gradually,in pain,in worry,in concern,we die because we give our all and that kills.Love is overwhelming,overpowering,consuming and all kinds of love but feel the same heartache,hence hate,despise,loathe being in love.



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Happy Mothers' Day.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the world.
My mother is,for me,the best mother in the world,she's a super-woman,very enthusiastic,active,efficient,disciplined,very good at sewing,crochet and worrying,yes my mother's a worrier,she can find reasons to worry from out of nothing,my kid brother and I are adults with kids of our own but my mother still thinks we are not big enough for this bad world,haha,she's a sweetheart though.
I'm not saying I don't worry,I do and that's why I think that being a mother is tough,apart from the obvious,like worrying for his grades and health,I worry about what kind of a person Abbu will grow up into,I worry if he'll be sensitive,kind,courteous,just,disciplined and mentally strong,I worry if he'll be the kind who follows rules,stands up for what's right,if he'll treat all alike,I worry if he'll have an inflated ego,I know it's strange but that's a big issue for me,I like people who don't take themselves very seriously,who can laugh at themselves,who can admit when they are wrong,who can listen to other's opinions and believe that everyone is entitled to one and it may not be the same as their's.
I worry,now mostly as to what kind of an example I am setting,I keep scrutinizing my actions,try to be right always so that he learns right.I ofcourse have my flaws but I think I'm fine because atleast I'm not ignorant about that.
I worry about Abbu's future,if I'm doing my part in putting less burden on our planet,if I'm teaching him to know that being successful doesn't necessarily have to be about the things we own,if I'm teaching him to respect all kinds of work,as long as it's honest money,I want Abbu to be someone who is comfortable in his own skin and someone who feels comfortable in the company of people from all walks of life with varied jobs,religions,ideologies,societies,classes,nations,cultures and tribes.I want Abbu to be someone who can hold his own in a crowd,someone who's confident,someone who can call a spade a spade but also someone who's fine with saying small lies if it makes others happy,and ofcourse if he's a good muslim he'll be all that I want him to be.Well,one can say that mostly I want him to be kind of like me,yes i think very highly of myself but I also aspire to be like so many other people I know,people who have some tremendously amazing traits,say like my mother,she's always punctual,never procrastinates,is a multitasker,is brave,all that I'm not.I like to take all the good traits from each person I know and make myself better and this is a never ending process.
So yes Mother's day is good because it reminds me of what a huge responsibilty I have,and how much I'm falling behind because of my inadequacies,incompetence and inefficiencies.Mother's day is good because I still have my mother who I get to wish and make her happy with my words,I'm hugely grateful to her for all that she did and still does for me,this day I'm reminded again about the fact that I'm indebted for life,for she still helps me with her wisdom and presence every day and sometimes makes me laugh with her over worrying(is that even a term?).Oh gosh,she's going to kill me when I read this to her.

*Abbu is my eight year old son.

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Seema Tabassum 2015
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