You I Hate Despise and Loathe (a poem)

You I hate despise and loathe
cause you have stunt my growth
it's impossible getting over your spell
I'm incapable of anything else

I have places to reach
and deadlines to meet
but I'm stuck 
me  my heart in your sugary sticky love

Now it's you my life revolves around
since we met I haven't touched solid ground
my thoughts  my days just seem to float
You I hate despise and loathe

My soul stirs when I smell your perfume
in thoughts of you I'm always consumed
You've rendered me unfit useless
cause I'm in love so hopeless

You I hate despise abhor
apart from you of nothing can I keep score
I'm just getting by
without savouring other flavours of life

Only engrossed in your thoughts
you're like a persistent illness bout
You've got to leave disappear
stop residing in my soul  move out of here

Because you I hate despise loathe
for you I've cried most
You I keep thinking about
your name is glued to my mouth

You I loathe despise hate
you have to go just fade
you never leave never fade
I feel like I'm going to carry you in me to the grave

You I hate despise loathe repel
because you came and my sky fell
I'm in love that knows no bound
let me break free  have to stop going round and round

Round and round in circles you have me spinning
can't help cause your smile's winning
my heart my mind my soul
You I hate despise loathe abhor

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy:lifeofpix.com  

To love is to die,slowly,gradually,in pain,in worry,in concern,we die because we give our all and that kills.Love is overwhelming,overpowering,consuming and all kinds of love but feel the same heartache,hence hate,despise,loathe being in love.



Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

I'm A Mess (a poem)

I'm happy a moment
sad the next

I write to you
but soon enough I delete the text

I worry about your well being
but I hate that about myself

I don't show my concern for you
but that's just pretence

I said so long to your memories
but my mind says it didn't mean it in that context

I don't know how I'll ever cope
just know that in your love I'm a mess

Oh the matters of the heart 
always so complex

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy:http://m.up-free.com/

I think everybody can relate to this,the people we love,parents,kids,siblings,friends etc. sometimes break our hearts and we never want to do anything with them but we end up feeling more miserable without them,eventually we start looking for ways to mend the relation again,ugh,matters of the heart.



Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.
All rights reserved.

Monochrome (a poem)

All I see is monochrome,

dreams in monochrome,

sights in monochrome,

without you here is not home

for my joys or comfort,

deep sighs and my emotions disrupt,

without you here is not home,

all my words monochrome,

my feelings monochrome,

all I see is I in monochrome.

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy:http://negativespace.co/

Just something that popped up in my head when I was looking at some vintage pictures.But isn't it true that without your love to share good times with,good times are no more good.Monochrome everything without love,even oneself's image in the mirror is colourless.

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

Pretty Neat (a poem)

I avoid visiting the lanes
where I know you I'll meet,

I know I'll be devastated to see you
smile bright when others you greet,

it breaks my heart to see that the remains
of our love you wrapped up and disposed of
pretty neat.

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy: pixabay.com

A song 'Teri Galiyan' meaning your lanes,from a Hindi movie 'Ek Villain' was the inspiration,beautiful song.

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

Happy B'day Mummy (a poem)

I've never written anything for you
but today I'm going to dig deep,
all through these layers of people
who in my heart I keep.
You are buried deep down
sometimes I'm ashamed,
I have to look for you amongst people long gone
from my life,who now can never partake.
You know I don't possess much of you
and in a way that's no loss,
because I don't want you to be
associated with any of my flaws.
Ofcourse you have your own
but I know now where those stemmed from,
you know that it's all great now
because it's all in the past and our now is awesome.
You are my strength
and I always put you last,
this summer was an eye-opener though
made me realise what a fool I was.
Mommy dearest,as I write this 
I can't stop my eyes from welling up,
just to think that I showed you poems I wrote
for all but never showed in writing towards you my love.
But it's never too late
to startover,
never too late to straighten things up
and give our love a little makeover.
I'll start by saying something
I tell Taher everyday,
that I can try but like you I can never be
because you were made from the finest clay.
You are awesome,I admire and aspire to be
like you,a great seamstress and your efficiency
I admire most,also your discipline,courage,
chirpiness,perseverance and punctuality.
I know you always tell me 
that I can be what I want to be,
if only I try but I find that impossible
this apple mother dearest has fallen far from the tree.
You are so special that you've won
Taher over and Abbu,Abbu loves you too much,
they both are crazy about you
your kindness and concern has that magical touch.
So this is extra special Mama
I've said all that I over these years wanted to say,
but yes I hate how you all become one and gang up against me
now we all will gang up to wish you a very Happy Birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY
LOVE YOU LOADS.

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015


Today is my Mom's 56th b'day,we're cool with stating our age hence i mention.Mother is the best,ofcourse all mothers are but if this perfect me aspires to be like her,then she must be extra special right,agree? Besides someone who's raised such a gem ought to be fantastic right,agree?(self praise is good esp.when no one praises you)
Now if you think i'm superb then you ought to meet my kid brother,he is the most wonderful human being on this planet,kindest soul ever,he's younger to me by only a year and a half and he's my buddy.He's my 4 a.m friend and goes out of his way to help me if i need.I think Mother and me are very lucky to have Taher(my hubby) who's more dear to my mother than I,no jokes,my brother, beautiful men as our support system,and Abbu ofcourse is one of those men but my brother too is blessed with a boy who's one year and six months old,our littlest addition.So yes Mother and i are nestled in warm love always and as we all know that men love more unconditionally than women,all the more special our lives.Mother is blessed to have this beautiful line up of a family...enough gloating,i know,will stop here.Taher is my husband's name,Abbu is my son's.

Unless otherwise stated all content and images copyright 2015
©Seema Tabassum 2015
©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015
All rights reserved.

To My Dearest Aunty Kathleen (a poem)

Hello,Miss.'Smiling Irish Eyes',

don't hear much from you,

I miss you loads,almost thrice,

but soon I'll see you.

Before that I have to say,

that though time's less,

I never forget to pray,

pray that you are fine and that God bless.

I hope you haven't forgotten me,
now sometimes in my dreams you come,
your thought alone makes me feel glee,
I hope for me in your mind you have place some.

You are one of my most favourite people on earth,
I miss you and love you a ton,
love for you,of that there's no dearth,
cause you're special,in the whole wide world just one.

I hope the world down under is treating you fine,
I'm sure you must've made beautiful memories of good times,
I hope you're thinking of me,the way I am of you,
and on this side of the world,there's never a day that goes by without me thinking of you.

Love you loads,Aunty Kathleen.

-Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Aunty Kathleen is my friend Karen's mother,we bond like a house on fire.She's beautiful,thoughtful,caring,kindhearted,sensible,profound but also immense fun and young at heart.Before blogging,i used to ask her to review my poems and she'd indulge me with a feedback always.Infact she's the one who suggested that i put my poems on a site.I'm thankful to her for a lot of things,esp.for the support she's been but mostly for being there for me when she needn't have to.When Abbu came into this world,Aunty was there with me throughout for 8 hours or so inspite of my Mom being there for me and she was the one who announced that i delivered a boy,i always wanted a boy and in India the law forbids knowing the sex of the baby before delivery.So it was such a joy to hear esp.from Aunty that i was blessed with a boy,i remember her saying  "Seema you did it" and i was then handed Abbu and i cried and laughed and we hugged.I can never in my life forget what immense love and support and some shouting too i got from Aunty dearest.She's special,we're special.Love her and her name Kathleen in Irish means "Smiling Irish Eyes". She's in Australia visiting her son and she's been gone a long time,i hope she comes back safe and sound and soon.Her i love,miss and think about.

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

Steep Climb (a poem)

I'm in love,hopeless and deep,
I know the ride's rough and the climb's too steep,
there are chances I might fall,
but it's not like a choice,it's not my call.

Love is not easy or frivolous,
the intensity is conveyed when we caress,
love is agonizing,love is hurting,
and there's danger of a heartbreak always lurking.

Love takes a toll and yet I yearn,
I'll trust love even if I crash and burn,
I'm prepared to take the chances,
only if you approve of my advances.

I promise I'll take it softly and real slow,
I'll tone down to your mellow,
You don't have to love me back the same,
I know you don't yet feel the pain.

The pain is what makes it sweet,
of this longing my life is replete,
say,will you walk with me on these wretched paths,
be my hero and play your part?

Are you capable of love,hopeless and deep,
the ride's rough and the climb's too steep,
there are chances you might fall,
I have no say,it's your call.
   -Seema Tabassum(me).

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2015

Picture courtesy: pixabay.com

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner,Seema Tabassum is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

I Will Follow ( a poem )

To the end of the Earth you might go,

even then I will follow,

you might not always know,

but I'm always going to follow.

          Even though my feelings for you with each day grow,

          I'm never going to show,

          I want to keep all to myself,

          I don't want you to delve.

You think I'm emotionless,empty,hollow,

but I will never say that in your love,in the pain I wallow,

and when there's sweetness in the pain,

why from loving you should I refrain.

          I will hope to be with you,

          secretly wishing you all along knew,

          but,I will never confess,

          that in your love I'm a mess.

This sweetness of the pain is what I want to savour more,

I want to feel it all the way to the core,

I want to feel,absorb,retain and fill,

this heart with ache and never let it spill.

           This pain,this longing is bliss,
           I'm in no hurry to kiss,
           sweet is your smell,

           so please let me just dwell.
Let me dwell in your fragrance,

I promise,you won't even be aware of my presence,

I will keep very still,

anyways your eyes do kill.

          Think of me as dead,

          don't acknowledge my existence,enough said,

          in the end I have to say,that you will always have me on standby,

          yes,for you I will be,...even if life passes me by.
                                                     - Seema Tabassum(me)


                            ©tab1525.blogspot.com 2014

This is another poem on the same lines as the last one titled "Will You?" http://tab1525.blogspot.in/2014/11/will-you-poem.html on my blog,
about loving someone extremely but being unable to muster up the courage to let them know,scared of losing someone precious by confessing your love to them,about keeping all your feelings to yourself.Hopeless,pathetic but sweet love.

*The picture was taken while climbing Koyodai plateau in Fujikawaguchiko,near Mt.Fuji,Japan.Koyodai is famous for it's Autumn colours and also for the magnificent view of Mt.Fuji from atop this plateau.

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner,Seema Tabassum is strictlyprohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

You, Everywhere. ( a poem by Seema)

I sense your fragrance in the air every moment,
picture you in the sky above,
in the rain feel you descend,
nourishing the fields of my heart with your love.
Think of you every minute,
dream of you every night,
see you in the sunset,
look for you in the moonlight.
Find you in the dewdrops,
lose you in the flowers,
frame you in the rocks,
feel your love rain on me in those heavenly showers.
                         -Seema Tabassum(me)

Picture courtesy....my hubby.

                     ©tab1525.blogspot.com 2014

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner,Seema Tabassum is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.

Life's a Bliss But Something's Amiss.

Can we choose not to let something affect us?  I don't think so.
It's been 20years since my Daddy's demise,17th of Sept.,2014 is the 20th death anniversary,but i'm still hurting.
It feels kind of long and kind of a short time,it's been painful to an extent that breathing was exhausting and it's been so easy somedays like i never knew him.My Daddy was always a source of pain for me,it was painful living away from him,painful,not having him around,protecting us from unpleasant experiences,guiding us,painful not being able to communicate our joys and sorrows,painful that he was so unavailable,physically and emotionally,painful not being able to see his handsome face everyday.Even now as i write this I can't hold my tears,i wish i knew him more,got to spend more time with him.I know him just a little through his diaries,

and i have only a handful of memories with him,among them some bitter ones too,but mostly thinking of him brings a smile to my face.

My memories with him are precious little and few and far between.He'd take us to the movies,mostly english,only action,sometimes telugu and he'd always first see the movie himself and later take us,only if the movie was appropriate,and also he'd explain the movie to us, he was thoughtful that way and patient too.He used to take us to picnics sometimes,and breakfast at Taj,Abids,these are about the handful of memories i have of him.There is a vivid memory of his which is unforgettable to me, we were at home when Daddy once returned from a district and shouted our names from the gate and upon hearing him we ran to the gate and he carried me and my brother in his arms and hugged us tightly,precious memory.I can't recall the last time i saw him,before i lost him forever.

             Twenty years ago,our lives were shattered with the news of my father's death by accident,he was coming home for our parents' wedding anniversary which was the next day,18th Sept.,but never reached.His body was found the next day on the side of the highway,in a field.My mother was the one who identified his body,she says that it was a horrifying sight and tragic too,to see such a handsome man with teeth broken and a branch tearing his eye,he lay there in a pool of blood,his boots had scratches on the sides,indicating struggle,i wonder while breaking down,always,for how long must've my Dad struggled,how lonely he must've been,how much pain must've he been in,did he think of us then,was he capable of that,did it take long before his suffering came to an end??.My mother didn't let us see Daddy's corpse because it was too painful to see him in that state,she wanted us to remember him as his handsome self,like he always was.The time the postmortem report stated as the time of my Daddy's death was 8.30pm and that day that same time,in Hyderabad we heard our Daddy calling our names,we ran to the gate and didn't find him,at first we thought he was hiding,he often did that,after a while we realised that maybe we just assumed we heard him.The next day we got the news of his demise,we still believe that Daddy came straight home after he died,how else can one explain all three of us hearing him calling us at the very time his soul departed.

                         My life took a sharp turn that day,i never imagined a life without him,i thought i won't be able to live with the fact that my father's no more,but like always,we adapt and we move on,the fact that he was always away helped us get over this ordeal a bit sooner than we had expected,he was an Inspector in the Andhra Pradesh Special Police Force and shortly before his death he was promoted to DSP,hence he was always in the Maoist-infested districts,sweeping the forests in search of them,Naxals were a big problem then.
        We had our troubles after he died,financial and all sorts and yet life went on,like it always does and now twenty years later i try to recall him,i close my eyes and can visualise him at the gate,in his uniform,but i can't seem to recall his voice,i've looked for tapes which had his voice recorded but haven't found any,i lost his voice,i miss his voice and i'm still desperately searching for atleast one tape.

My Daddy was very funny,always joking,immensely handsome,unbelievably stylish for a police officer,very conscious of his looks,and pretty much sick of lazy,fat colleagues of his,he didn't watch Hindi movies,didn't like Hindi songs,he was not fond of anything typically Indian,(and this i inherited i guess)he was very kind,treated all young and old,rich and poor alike,when he came to pick me up from school,he would talk to all my friends,and joke with them,i was very proud of him.And when he died i didn't want to live without him,he was our only respite from all things unpleasant,but nobody dies with the dead,we just die each day,little by little.As years passed and i gained some perspective on my life back then,now i understand my Daddy had flaws too,i know a couple of them,flaws that gave grief,i loved him too much to notice then but i love him unconditionally now,i realise my life wouldn't be the same with him around,i wouldn't be where i am today,i would be somebody completely different,and that is one reason I'm not so sad for his loss,i love my journey till date and i love my life,now.I wouldn't want it any other way and had he been alive,this wouldn't be possible,ofcourse i'd love to have him around but as a mute spectator and that he would never be.So,i guess whatever happens,happens for the good.
             The death of my father has meant a death of many things to us,death of many relations,hopes,aspirations,dreams but i guess if i can live and love life even after the sun of my life set twenty years ago,if i can find a way in the darkness,if i can be strength to others, if i can from a lost 14 yr.old become this responsible woman now,without a father's hand to lead me then i have the confidence that i can take up any challenge life throws at me,my Daddy's death has taught me the single,most vital lesson i ever needed to learn,that,if i could take all the blows life hit me with,these twenty years and still stand tall,then i can take anything.But i pray life doesn't test me more and i pray Abbu or my nephew or any kid should never lose a parent.I pray i,never have to lose anyone else i love,Ameen.      Love my Daddy loads and we are very proud of him.

                                 That's my Daddy in all the pictures.
              
                                   ©tab1525.blogspot.com

Over The Years. (a poem)

Long kisses and longer goodbyes,
shrimp burgers and french fries.

These things our dates comprised

and time spent apart we despised.

Now,sometimes i slip back in time

and memories of us flood my mind.

And when i see you sleep,

i feel the same love,sincere and deep,

the same,like i always did,

amazing that it hasn't reduced even a bit.

I do fight and debate,

but it doesn't mean i hate.

Can I,when i think you're my soulmate,

it's been only you since we met.

Now,in these busy days when we fit in a date,

I can't help but relate,

these times to those,

I'm glad we as ever,are so close,

and glad over the years our hearts never froze,

and above all trying times we rose,

to become a great team,

I look back and I can't help being amazed at how

fantastic our journey together has been,

and what a greatest companion you've been.

                -ME.

                   

                  ©tab1525.blogspot.com

The above picture and writing are my property,please do not copy.Thank You.

Colours Of My Life. ( a poem of love )

There are good days and there are bad nights,
there are agreements
and there are fights.

There are laughters and there are tears,
there is faith and there are fears.

There are confessions and there are denials,
there are times of joy and times of trials.

There is me and there is you,
and like us there are few.

We are completely independent and 
independently incomplete,
somewhat like how the sea and
the sky at the horizon meet.
But our horizon isn't a mere illusion,
it's our differences in unison.

Contrary to how partners in life are expected to be,
we may not always with each other be happy.
I don't know about my influences on you,
but the colours in my life are only because of you.
-Seema Tabassum(me)
©tab1525.blogspot.com 2014

     


*Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner Seema Tabassum is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links may be used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.         
          *I truly believe that my life would be colourless without
          my Honey,love you loads Hon and Happy B'day.

Sayonara...Goodbye (a poem)

         'Sayonara'

If the thought of me makes you smile,

then i think that it was worthwhile,

to have invested your time and energy,

in trying to build a relation with me.

I can only say that i'm grateful to you,

for the times you were beside me when i was down and blue,

On my part i'm gonna let you free,

I won't make you suffer with my company.

Clearly,we are better off without each other,

it's just that we weren't meant to be together,

so,don't look back and don't think of me,

love another and be happy.

Let's find ourselves lovers brand new,

whose smiles are as fresh as morning dew,

let's find lovers who'll love us better,

for whom our hearts will once again flutter.

Meanwhile i ask of you to please not recall,

because it isn't love when we fall,

love it is,when it makes you rise,

love is,not having to pay a price.

It ain't right if you feel suffocated,

it's supposed to make you feel liberated,

I felt all the hurt i could when i was with you,

now i have to clear the clutter and start anew.

So,i'm letting us go now and frankly i have no pain,

but in love,i have faith yet to regain,

So long, i bid adieu to your memories with this 'Sayonara' poem,

and everyday i pray hard that our paths never cross again.
                     
     -Seema Tabassum(me)

©tab1525.blogspot.com 2014

All rights reserved

Unless otherwise stated all content on tab1525.blogspot.com are intellectual property belonging to Seema Tabassum.Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog's owner is strictly prohibited.Excerpts and links maybe used,provided that full and clear credit is given to Seema Tabassum and tab1525.blogspot.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.Thank you.