Always Remember

The value of time
The influence of example
The success of perseverance
The obligation of duty
The pleasure of working
The wisdom of economy
The dignity of simplicity
The virtue of patience
The worth of character
The improvement of talent
The power of kindness
The joy of originating.


The best day:Today
The greatest sin:Fear
The meanest feeling:Jealousy
The greatest need:Common sense
The greatest trouble maker:Talking too much
The greatest teacher:One who makes you want to learn
The greatest man:One who does what he thinks is right
The easiest thing to do:Find fault
The best thing to give to your opponent:Tolerance
The best thing to give to your enemy:Forgiveness
The best thing to give yourself:Love

            *These i found written by my father in his diary,i'm not sure if he copied these from elsewhere or if it's his work,but i always read these lines and there are many more,maybe I'll put them in another post.

All content and images(unless otherwise stated) copyright 2014
©tab1525.blogspot.com(Seema Tabassum)
All rights reserved.

Life's a Bliss But Something's Amiss.

Can we choose not to let something affect us?  I don't think so.
It's been 20years since my Daddy's demise,17th of Sept.,2014 is the 20th death anniversary,but i'm still hurting.
It feels kind of long and kind of a short time,it's been painful to an extent that breathing was exhausting and it's been so easy somedays like i never knew him.My Daddy was always a source of pain for me,it was painful living away from him,painful,not having him around,protecting us from unpleasant experiences,guiding us,painful not being able to communicate our joys and sorrows,painful that he was so unavailable,physically and emotionally,painful not being able to see his handsome face everyday.Even now as i write this I can't hold my tears,i wish i knew him more,got to spend more time with him.I know him just a little through his diaries,

and i have only a handful of memories with him,among them some bitter ones too,but mostly thinking of him brings a smile to my face.

My memories with him are precious little and few and far between.He'd take us to the movies,mostly english,only action,sometimes telugu and he'd always first see the movie himself and later take us,only if the movie was appropriate,and also he'd explain the movie to us, he was thoughtful that way and patient too.He used to take us to picnics sometimes,and breakfast at Taj,Abids,these are about the handful of memories i have of him.There is a vivid memory of his which is unforgettable to me, we were at home when Daddy once returned from a district and shouted our names from the gate and upon hearing him we ran to the gate and he carried me and my brother in his arms and hugged us tightly,precious memory.I can't recall the last time i saw him,before i lost him forever.

             Twenty years ago,our lives were shattered with the news of my father's death by accident,he was coming home for our parents' wedding anniversary which was the next day,18th Sept.,but never reached.His body was found the next day on the side of the highway,in a field.My mother was the one who identified his body,she says that it was a horrifying sight and tragic too,to see such a handsome man with teeth broken and a branch tearing his eye,he lay there in a pool of blood,his boots had scratches on the sides,indicating struggle,i wonder while breaking down,always,for how long must've my Dad struggled,how lonely he must've been,how much pain must've he been in,did he think of us then,was he capable of that,did it take long before his suffering came to an end??.My mother didn't let us see Daddy's corpse because it was too painful to see him in that state,she wanted us to remember him as his handsome self,like he always was.The time the postmortem report stated as the time of my Daddy's death was 8.30pm and that day that same time,in Hyderabad we heard our Daddy calling our names,we ran to the gate and didn't find him,at first we thought he was hiding,he often did that,after a while we realised that maybe we just assumed we heard him.The next day we got the news of his demise,we still believe that Daddy came straight home after he died,how else can one explain all three of us hearing him calling us at the very time his soul departed.

                         My life took a sharp turn that day,i never imagined a life without him,i thought i won't be able to live with the fact that my father's no more,but like always,we adapt and we move on,the fact that he was always away helped us get over this ordeal a bit sooner than we had expected,he was an Inspector in the Andhra Pradesh Special Police Force and shortly before his death he was promoted to DSP,hence he was always in the Maoist-infested districts,sweeping the forests in search of them,Naxals were a big problem then.
        We had our troubles after he died,financial and all sorts and yet life went on,like it always does and now twenty years later i try to recall him,i close my eyes and can visualise him at the gate,in his uniform,but i can't seem to recall his voice,i've looked for tapes which had his voice recorded but haven't found any,i lost his voice,i miss his voice and i'm still desperately searching for atleast one tape.

My Daddy was very funny,always joking,immensely handsome,unbelievably stylish for a police officer,very conscious of his looks,and pretty much sick of lazy,fat colleagues of his,he didn't watch Hindi movies,didn't like Hindi songs,he was not fond of anything typically Indian,(and this i inherited i guess)he was very kind,treated all young and old,rich and poor alike,when he came to pick me up from school,he would talk to all my friends,and joke with them,i was very proud of him.And when he died i didn't want to live without him,he was our only respite from all things unpleasant,but nobody dies with the dead,we just die each day,little by little.As years passed and i gained some perspective on my life back then,now i understand my Daddy had flaws too,i know a couple of them,flaws that gave grief,i loved him too much to notice then but i love him unconditionally now,i realise my life wouldn't be the same with him around,i wouldn't be where i am today,i would be somebody completely different,and that is one reason I'm not so sad for his loss,i love my journey till date and i love my life,now.I wouldn't want it any other way and had he been alive,this wouldn't be possible,ofcourse i'd love to have him around but as a mute spectator and that he would never be.So,i guess whatever happens,happens for the good.
             The death of my father has meant a death of many things to us,death of many relations,hopes,aspirations,dreams but i guess if i can live and love life even after the sun of my life set twenty years ago,if i can find a way in the darkness,if i can be strength to others, if i can from a lost 14 yr.old become this responsible woman now,without a father's hand to lead me then i have the confidence that i can take up any challenge life throws at me,my Daddy's death has taught me the single,most vital lesson i ever needed to learn,that,if i could take all the blows life hit me with,these twenty years and still stand tall,then i can take anything.But i pray life doesn't test me more and i pray Abbu or my nephew or any kid should never lose a parent.I pray i,never have to lose anyone else i love,Ameen.      Love my Daddy loads and we are very proud of him.

                                 That's my Daddy in all the pictures.
              
                                   ©tab1525.blogspot.com

Over The Years. (a poem)

Long kisses and longer goodbyes,
shrimp burgers and french fries.

These things our dates comprised

and time spent apart we despised.

Now,sometimes i slip back in time

and memories of us flood my mind.

And when i see you sleep,

i feel the same love,sincere and deep,

the same,like i always did,

amazing that it hasn't reduced even a bit.

I do fight and debate,

but it doesn't mean i hate.

Can I,when i think you're my soulmate,

it's been only you since we met.

Now,in these busy days when we fit in a date,

I can't help but relate,

these times to those,

I'm glad we as ever,are so close,

and glad over the years our hearts never froze,

and above all trying times we rose,

to become a great team,

I look back and I can't help being amazed at how

fantastic our journey together has been,

and what a greatest companion you've been.

                -ME.

                   

                  ©tab1525.blogspot.com

The above picture and writing are my property,please do not copy.Thank You.

Contrasting Lives.

                               
      

How many songs have we heard on "Life",especially in Hindustani.There are a number of beautiful songs which describe life,some describe them as beautiful and some as painful.While we sit and analyze how life is,try to give it some meaning with our words or describe the essence of what it means to us,there are lives which have no meaning at all,and minds which have no sense of what life is,which don't have the luxury of the ability to understand what life is to them,except a struggle,a battle,struggle for a morsel of food,for a place in the shade in summer,for dry feet in the rainy season,for a warm place and a roof over their heads during winters,for a kind gesture,for a generous word,for a sympathetic,if not loving glance.
       While I want the perfect cup of tea,there are people who look for food in garbage piles,while I sulk over powercuts and potholes,there are those who live in the dark,on the roads.While I get irritated over minor inconveniences,there are those,for whom life itself is a big inconvenience.While I want attention,there are those who live invisible lives.While our lives are too short to enjoy,their lives are too long to endure.Life is unfair,true,but to such an extent !!
I would ofcourse never,ever want to live a life like my poor brothers and sisters,I do empathize with them,I feel for them,i know how it is to be hungry,cold,wet,scared and invisible.I wish I was brave enough or kind enough or had the resources to take a hand from among those hundreds of begging hands and turn that life around,maybe someday.
         For now,I'll do what little I can do,in my small ways and be grateful to God for all the great things I have and for only minor inconveniences life throws at me.I'm grateful my life means something to a handful of people.I'm grateful for the knowledge that I have to understand songs on life,grateful for the sensibility I have,to be able to relate to the songs,happy or sad,grateful to be able to derive meaning from those songs.
            "Life's good,
              when on my plate there's food.
              Life's fine,
              as long as i'm not standing for clothes in a beggar's line.
              Life's not a pain,
              when i'm not soaking wet in the rain.
              Life's beautiful,
              when i have my family with me
              to make my day cheerful."     THINK ABOUT IT PLEASE.

©Seema Tabassum 2014
©tab1525.blogspot.com 2014
All content and images copyright 2014
All rights reserved.