A wee bit of empathy for him.

There's a term "Kazoku sabisu" in Japanese,it literally means "family service".
Family service is what fathers in Japan are expected to do on weekends/holidays,they are expected to entertain the wife and kids by taking them out,hiking or camping or any other family activity,maybe even cook for them,give the wife a break and it's obligatory.
Don't you think it's pretty much the same in any country.I've always wondered as to where does that leave the man,his time,it could very well be that some men really enjoy doing family service,but,what if one wants to be left alone,since there's much social interaction everyday what if solitude is what he craves.What if his idea of destressing has nothing to do with family time?
I know that women too are leading stressful lives,and now with most of us working,it's crazy all the more,but,atleast women are appreciated,praised,recognised,acknowledged and looked up to.A stay at home mom's job is no piece of cake either,it's the most difficult,ask me,from the cleaning to the grocery shopping,cooking,dropping kids to school and bringing them back,helping them with their homework,it's crazy,it's hectic,but atleast we can squeeze in some "me time" when the kids and the husband are away,and we also don't have to put up with annoying colleagues or suck up to the boss, plus we get appreciated for the work we do.
But men,they struggle at work,suck up to their bosses,interact with people they don't like,do overtime to clear backlog,get frowned upon when they refuse to put in extra time,live in constant fear with their jobs on the line because of so much competition and don't get credit and much more, similar situations for men who own their business,they need constant working on to earn some profit,cut expenses, manage employees,fight competition and try innovative methods to get customers, basically everyday is war.And since he's the man of the house, he has to be the pillar of strength even if he's crumbling from the inside,that must be so emotionally and mentally taxing right?
On a day off he can't get any "me time" because everybody's around at home,the poor guy gets judged for sleeping and for not tagging along to shopping and even for sulking about the traffic,it's like everybody's at his throat,telling him "it's your job to entertain us,come on make us feel special".
Don't you think life kills him a li'l each day,given the circumstances our love might be just the saving grace,let's appreciate and acknowledge what he does for us a li'l more,give him his space and time,make him feel special for a change and maybe sometimes we should do some "daddy service" too.....a wee bit of empathy for him is essentially the need of the hour.
Note: this was mostly about families with stay at home moms.

pic. courtesy : pixabay.com

Love or Crutch.

"Nana handfeeds(when one uses palm,not spoon,to feed another) me when i eat at her place and you don't,that means you don't love me", this is what my kid had to say upon returning home after a weekend's stay at my Mom's place....i was like "WHAT??!!".

While kids in other countries are encouraged to eat by themselves from when they are li'l, we Indians handfeed our kids well into adulthood.

It's so typically us,almost all mothers feed their kids with their hands,it's like our way of showing the kids our love,i don't get it? Is it our desperate attempt at being involved in some way,because we can't face the fact that our kids are growing too soon and becoming less dependent on us,this way atleast we are involved,needed in their lives? or is it that we simply can't get enough of them?

My childhood memories mostly comprise of my Mom feeding me,my Mom used to handfeed me and my brother all meals of the day,even at school,she would walk 15 minutes to school and back,every schoolday just to spoonfeed us,also to keep us from playing :) , one could say that my Mom was a bit extreme though.

She handfed me everyday till i was 16,sometimes she would shove food down my throat when she thought i was too slow(this still makes me laugh)....then when i had to leave town and Mom,the real crisis started,i could not eat,because my whole life i was handfed,i would cry,feel lonely,i'd give anything to be fed by someone and anyone at that.My Mom had become my crutch,i needed her bad and i had to make myself tough,it was very hard for me,it's become a kind of traumatic thing for me,...now when i'm near her,she insists on feeding me,and i always decline her offer :) ...on the other hand my brother still enjoys being pampered whenever he's in town and when i ask him if it was tough not having someone to have handfed him the first time he left tje city to work elsewhere,he says it was not something he couldn't handle,i guess everybody feels differently about a situation.

I'm in a better place in life now,ofcourse i've grown up and all but those childhood days' memories of my Mom,i"ll remember fondly forever and frankly,food tasted best when her hands fed me.

But i've decided I"ll make memories of a different kind with Abbu(my kid),i'll handfeed him only once in ages,if he insists,because i don't want to become his crutch,i don't want him to ever be dependent on anybody for anything,even if that means that Abbu thinks i don't love him or that i'm a cold person and not good enough mother,i'm willing to risk that, besides there are other ways of showing him i care and love...and also because i'm the kind  who believes in tough love......

pic.courtesy: pixabay.com

Bloodthirsty brothers

While there's a world war going on in Brazil for the FIFA World Cup,a war of another kind is being waged in West Asia...brothers thirsty for each others' blood.

I read the papers and much are filled with news of the ongoing crisis/bloodshed in Iraq.My heart bleeds for my people,my brothers and sisters in Islam,Shia,Sunni,Kurd all.....the ISIS,Al qaeda,Taliban,the rulers of Syria,Lebanon, earlier the rulers of Egypt,Saddam Hussain have left no stone unturned in wiping out masses of people in the name of sects...Firstly there are no sects in Islam,there's only one Islam,the complete Islam which our Beloved Prophet(saws) showed/preached and any ritual,custom,tradition,practice other than which he originally showed is Unislamic....so if the Sunnis think Shias are not muslims and vice versa,that's sad but heart wrenching it is when they start killing each other,will the Sunnis and Shias try to eliminate Christians,Hindus if they happen to be a majority in a certain area? I don't think so,(and also should not)then why each other??

What's Islamic about taking innocent lives,i feel ashamed,really ashamed,that my people are fighting amongst each other,ashamed and hurt,at the lengths my fellow Muslims,who read the same Quran as me are going all out to wipe out their own, even if they have forgotten that they are brothers in religion,how can they forget that they all are brothers of the land,the same land,wind and sun that nourished them,the place they grew,their homes,how can one be forced to leave all and evrything behind,the belongings collected over a lifetime,the place that was home,i don't even want to imagine the pain.I'm shocked at the brutality,i simply can't understand how a muslim could be capable of such inhumanity.  I saw a clip on TV in which a group was shooting at people of another group of about twenty,all standing in a line,hands tied at the back,in a few seconds they were all on the ground,the group with guns was shooting at this  other group with such angst and disgust as if the people killed were not humans,one can't kill even an animal in that manner.
I wish it all stopped,i wish i could do something about it, my people are dying,my brothers and sisters are dying,who've lead difficult lives,who've had no luxuries....and Iran was the one country that stood against Israel for Palestine,infact all Muslim Brotherhood was united for Palestine right? Then how come we cannot find a way to living in harmony with each other...my people are divided,homeless,dead,poor...my lands,all barren,all torn.....Iraq,Syria,Lebanon,Afghanistan,Egypt,...my heart bleeds,bleeds for my brothers and sisters in Islam: Sunni,Shia,Kurd,Hazare,Pashtun,Pathan,converted alike,infact my heart bleeds for anybody whose killed for no wrong he himself did...
Ya Allah,have mercy on us,forgive us our sins,please let our hearts bloom with love for one another,Muslim or otherwise,Ameen.

pic. courtesy: pixabay.com

Life with Abbu

Last Sunday Abbu and i were playing and when i reached out to pull him near,i accidentally hit my fav. candle holder which had a huge frame of glass and when it hit the ground it shattered into hundreds of pieces and the specks of glass covered a large area of the room....i asked Abbu to sit on the couch and assigned him the job of supervising my work,he was to tell me if i leave any tiny specks of glass behind while cleaning and sometimes one cannot see glass on the floor from certain angles depending on the light,  so my sweetie was to lie on the couch and check from all possible angles and he was doing his job well,telling me a couple of times when i couldn't spot the glass myself,the third time around he said  "Mommy,there's something shining there,right there" pointing at me, i said "what? where?" while looking at the wall and the floor behind me...then i looked at Abbu and he had a familiar,very pleased with himself look on his face,he then said "no,not on the wall Mum,on you,glass like,shining bright like glass...your eyes,Mum,your eyes"....i went "awww,that's so sweet baby,thank you" and ran and hugged him tight...he said "be careful now,don't break another one" :)  life with Abbu is indeed sweet....fyi  Abbu's my 7 year old son.