"I'm on the hunt for who I've not yet become" -Sara Bareilles
Life ....when I think i only wonder...why...too many questions on my mind...too many people left behind....too many emotions unsettled....too many puzzles unsolved...too many links not connected...chronology makes no sense....past haunts...future beckons,pulls but i lack behind weighed down by my past...the places...the people...the soul connections...the lost ones...the ones who i know exist but can't reach out,too much at stake to let go and go back in time grab the hands of all i lost pull them back into now...journey?? a never ending journey but need no journey my heart...journey but stationary?? makes no sense...move on i did not still the kid who's stuck who cannot recall the most important but mind filled with the mundane...but mundane if it is why do i remember so well.....voices a hundred evoke emptiness bog me down can't move on...every minute spent registered...hard living every minute conscious of every minute past....remember the faces...no more the faces but still there....leave a piece behind everyone...take a piece of mine everyone....scattered everywhere i am...spread everywhere my heart is...much like my emotions...unsettled...unsettled is the word...not yet...not in the mind....i'd give up the world to go back and stay there forever stuck in a time or times...yes times i want to be stuck in...not one but one too many times...holding hands...hands ...important holding hands....but one too many hands...how do i live divided like this i wonder...amongst people...amongst times...amongst places...only me i think.....how do i carry so much i wonder but i hate that i do...hate that i am strong enough...to maintain a fragment maybe but maintain sanity with all that goes on in me...life a journey ...moving on but leaving behind something that pulls me right back...stationary my journey...me i know too well but who is me i know not...the one who cries...or the one who laughs...the one who's lost or the one who guides...the one who's soul so weak and scattered that gathering it takes ages....or the one who's organised...everything collected and in place...who's ignorant or who knows it all...oblivious or aware...where is me...who is me...my journey leads to where...i am looking for me....my journey to me...stationary me but getting there...to me...am i? lost am i or found am i? who am i? i wonder always...see no answers...just a pile of unanswered questions....never ending but always adding up these questions...biggest hindrance to me getting to me ...my life a series of questions...i hunt for answers only then will i find me...this journey till then stationary
©Seema Tabassum 2015
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