Sixth date,I cannot believe we are doing this,felt impossible but we are,taking a toll it is and Taher cannot wait for this to end,says it's his birthday but I am enjoying,true in a sense.This day being Sunday Abbu was with us,Sundays are even more busier for Taher so we had South Indian food for brunch,not far from my place,so it was feasible but Taher was constantly looking at his watch and the darn phone wouldn't stop ringing.Now Taher here is so used to being aloof that this must be feeling like a pain in the neck.Aloof because my poor husband gets no time to spend with us,his business requires him to work seven days a week.Taher takes a holiday only twice a year,that is on Eid,festivals of Islam.So I do pretty much everything in my house,grocery shopping,picking up and dropping Abbu at school,his projects I do,ofcourse cook,clean,laundry,though in India we can hire maids,I refuse to have one more person intruding my space,besides I have trust issues,I have this notion that no one does anything perfect like me,and these people make no effort to prove me wrong,so I do all that,then my blog,and the Hall of Poets(moderator in a poetic community online),and Abbu's entertainment,me,dessert dates me,movie dates Taher though,sometimes I tag along,weekly date with my mother,it's all jam packed,so basically I'm running my house and Taher the source that funds this organised chaos that my house is,everything runs smoothly till we have to take out time for something else,even weddings are a burden and so many because Taher's family is not a family,a gigantic clan,very close to each other,Taher lived in a joint family for 21years with four uncles and aunts,twenty one cousins,makes me dizzy even thinking about the noise.
Now that could be a boon and a bane,I am from a nuclear family for most part,so cannot understand why anybody would live in a joint family,I cannot fathom having another kid just thinking of the noise Abbu and the little one will make,I can live without hearing a single sound for ages,I like listening to myself I guess.
So,when we wanted to get married it was a big deal,a thunder lightning struck Taher's house,because a)in India even today love marriages are rare and looked down upon,joint families all the more hard to get consent from and b)no one knew anything about me because I was in Japan,no way they could accept someone who they didn't even see,oh the trouble,the heartache,the dilemma for Taher,and my mother gave me no respite either,but I had to deal with only Mom,my brother was little to even question.On Taher's side only his Mom trusted his choice and we had no choice but to get married with only his mother's consent,Taher is the youngest of five brothers and after Taher's father's demise when Taher was only 14 years old,his eldest brother who is ten years older than Taher became the head of the house and Taher could never even utter a word to his brother,it was only after a year did he muster courage to tell his brother about our marriage,I somehow after much begging and after much crying from my mother convinced her to trust my choice,much drama our marriage created,and sent shockwaves in Taher's household.When I came to India carrying Abbu in me,we were already three years into marriage and I was received warmly by Taher's family,though we don't live in a joint family we are always meeting,Taher's brothers live in the same building as us and I have to say they changed my perception of them,never intrude our space,always call before coming which is also only twice a year,rest of the time Abbu and I go visit them from time to time,I feel proud of Taher's family too,all gentlemen,his brothers give me loads of respect for how I manage my house and how I place no burden on Taher,my eyes well up just thinking how much love Taher's nephews and brothers shower me with,special mention to my eldest sis-in-law(Taher's brother's wife) who treats me like her sister,warmly and shows me love she reserves only for some.Pretty much the fairy tale it turned out to be,Taher and my story and Abbu is the gift that completes this story.And here on my Mom's side,my gosh,Taher is the son and I the daughter-in-law,my mother loves Taher more than she loves me and thinks that Taher doesn't deserve a lunatic like me,Taher meanwhile loves the love my mother has for him and is very much her son now,especially because Taher lost his mother just a fortnight after Abbu was born and he couldn't even be beside her in her last days,in my mother he sees his and that leaves me in a really cold place except for Taher's warmth,poor guy he takes my side when my mother shouts at me if I get carried away,Taher is the balance in my life,keeps pulling me back from my obsessive compulsive world,reminds me of what needs to be done,prevents me from getting sucked up into my own world,I need Taher to keep me functioning but he also lets me be,somedays I am left alone all to myself to bring back some sanity to me ..yes pretty much equal contribution from both of us,I work on my house,he works on what needs repairing in me,MashaAllah I cannot be thankful enough to Allah,for I am blessed.Our life has seen a lot of struggle but nothing we cannot get over together.InshaAllah.
I am bound forever with this 'one in the whole world guy' and I love that,I love to belong to him,I consider myself fortunate.So here's a poem that says exactly that.
Bind Me With Your Love
Free but yearn to be cuffed
love but not enough
soar not I want to
tie me up never undo
I like drowning
in this love that I have within
it knows not how else to show
so bind me and never let go
submit to you I do
don't mind surrender if it is you
desire the pain that love brings
pain of love always bliss
though the thorns prick and love stings
I'll relive the moment thousand times if you it brings
pain love soul's struggle
all come with this sweet trouble
trouble that is you
forget nothing I want to
torture my soul with your love please know
if you promise you won't leave I will endure
please never let go
I'm depending on you to show
the love and I'm on the edge
so please take a vow,to me you pledge
you'll never leave me never
tie me up forever
love me forevernore
bind me with your love never let go
-Seema Tabassum(me)
©Seema Tabassum 2015
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